our wedding

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When we got engaged I was absolutely ecstatic, we both were. But we quickly realised that we were ecstatic about getting (and being) married over any kind of wedding celebration. We were originally going for a very small wedding with 15 guests in November 2020 which truthfully really suited us, so when that was cancelled (and one later one in early 2021) we were both a little overwhelmed with the idea of anything bigger.

I’m someone who makes fake-sick expressions over people who countdown to the big day on social media, I’ve never bought a bridal magazine and the idea of being defined by the day I get married just feels a bit yuck to be honest. I had zero desire to “feel like a princess” for the day. In these unprecedented times, being a princess sounds quite shit. But I have to say now that I’m on the other side of it all, I’m really pleased we went for it. Having our closest friends and family together really was very special. Heres how two mildly-anti-wedding people planned a… wedding!

We chose to have it at home as we didn’t want to get caught up in any kind of cancellation issue with a proper venue. My husband works abroad a lot on fixed schedules, so I had real anxiety over being financially locked into a venue and completely bound by when they had space… We didn’t really think beyond that, it was that pragmatic a decision. It was only on the day itself that we realised quite how special it was as a place to get hitched.

Considering we didn’t actually own the home we planned to get married in until late Spring, it was a bold move. But it also spurred us on to get the house ready for the big day. We worked hard on the garden. We completely remodelled one side of the space - turning it into a decked area with an outdoor lounge bed, furniture and a big fire pit. For the lawns, we moved several trees around so we could have one large open grass area (including discovering and removing a pond).

Choosing a late September date (the anniversary of our engagement) meant we really couldn’t rely on the weather so we had to plan for the idea that it might need to be hosted inside. We focussed on getting the ground floor ready in time and originally planned for the windows to be done in time (this sadly didn’t happen but really didn’t matter on the day).

We originally planned to have everyone come to a legal ceremony, and had hired buses to take everyone back home afterwards. However, we were helpfully only told a week before our ceremony that there were Covid rules specific to the registry office meaning only a handful of people could come. So, we quickly made the decision to just take our immediate family and bridal party to the legal bit and then asked my husband’s best friend to “marry” us in front of all the guests in our garden afterwards.

As for the rest of the day, we did as few formalities as possible. We quietly cut the cake (a brilliant find, a friend of a friend, BBC Design), didn’t do a first dance and did a speech together alongside my Dad. We didn’t take many formal wedding photos, and briefed Lou to go for the candid stuff over any kind of line-up based images.

Food wise, there was only really one place for us - the restaurant we originally hired for our mini celebration, Hatch in St Albans. We didn’t want “wedding food” having both had too many experiences of a cold, dry piece of chicken and a lacklustre cheesecake on a round table with people making small talk. So we went the opposite way and did burgers and sides. I was a bit concerned that it wouldn't work, but everyone loved it. The team were incredible and managed to do everything in our kitchen. We also didn’t want a formal seating plan, and left guests to enjoy it all without any direction.

Hatch put on an early evening spread too, hash browns (the stars of the show) and sausages. They also did their famous chocolate brownies, which we served alongside our favourites The Pudding Stop who did various cakes and desserts (cornflake flan, blondie cakes, banoffee pies).

For drinks we were really fixed on having “proper” champagne over a prosecco or fizz and chose Moet and Chandon. We built a bar on one side of the house but also had staff to go around and do top ups. We bought all our booze from a combination of Waitrose and Majestic and somehow managed not to run dry - how on earth we still have stuff left is beyond me.

I guess the bit people are most interested in is what the bride wore? Well, it was a challenge I’ll tell you that! I’m not someone who’d ever really thought about it, and felt overwhelmed by the idea of fittings and bridal stores. The idea of spending thousands on a dress just felt a bit wrong too, especially when you are getting married in your garden!

When I looked around I couldn’t find a mid priced dress I liked. All the places I thought might have something didn’t (bear in mind this was 2020 and I think clothing stores had accepted defeat with the wedding market). So when a friend sent me a picture of her in a changing room wearing a lovely blue dress, my immediate response was “oooh if that was white I’d get married in that.”

Long story short, that’s exactly what happened. By some miracle Clara and Tania from O’Pioneers agreed to make my dress, and it could not have been more perfect. It was very me, and I plan to get it dyed at some point when I’ve decided a colour so I can wear it again.

For footwear I’d seen the Jimmy Choo Bing 65s early on and couldn’t think about anything else. It’s not really like me to be that excited about a heel - I don’t wear them often. But I loved them and after months of pining I found them second hand (it was an intense search) on Vestiaire Collective.

Jewellery wise, I wore my late grandmothers watch for the day and my ring was my late Mamgu’s wedding band. I found my hair decoration on Etsy here and was worried it would turn up and look really cheap. I hadn’t trialled my hair or make up (I didn’t need to, my friend Jo did it and I knew she’d be great) so it was a case of “if it works, it works” on the day. It did, I loved it.

Ooh before I forget my nails were OPI , in “Bubble Bath.”

I found finding bridesmaids dresses far more stressful than my own outfit. I wanted the girls to be comfortable, they were each very different shapes. I had the dream of finding dresses they could wear again and again, but found options limited. I ended up going back to where I started and got them Rewritten dresses. I chose the colour and I let them choose the styles. I also bought them (and my Mum and I) initial necklaces from my friend at Roxanne First. I’d loved them for ages and kind of just needed an excuse to treat my loved ones. Roxy was great and helped me choose the right stones and turned them around very quickly! They were so perfect and are a lovely keepsake from the day.

In terms of decorations, I was probably a bit too relaxed. I only got a florist a couple of weeks before! Jade was incredible and totally saw my vision; I wanted it very understated, laid back and uncomplicated. I can’t recommend her enough, she made the marquee look incredible. I didn't actually see it before I walked into it to get married as it was all done on the day - I was absolutely gobsmacked how much of a difference the flowers made to the space. Her company is called Wild Flower and Fox, really recommend her.

I knew I wanted the marquee space to smell nice. We had Jo Malone’s Wood Sage and Sea Salt candles in the marquee which filled the space so quickly and smelt incredible. Some of you might remember I went on a wedding scent taster, which I loved, which confirmed the scent would be the main one for the wedding. I wore a combination of Wood Sage and Poppy and Barley. I really recommend going and doing a session in one of their stores - it wasn’t something I thought I’d enjoy but I loved it.

For everything else, I bought various vases and terracotta pots from Hobbycraft and some charity shops and gave them to Jade to use to make her floral decorations. My husband bought the whisky barrels on eBay (now sitting in our garage if anyone wants them), we rented the chairs (a last minute move when the benches we’d bought didn’t show up) and the tablecloths and runners were just via Amazon.

Lastly, the lights. So many questions about them! They’re Pooky Lights rechargeable lamps, I’d bought a couple for the house and had the excellent idea to get them for the wedding too. They make the space feel a lot smarter, and lasted all evening. If you’re ever stuck for a gift for someone, buy them these. They’re incredible for either awkward spaces with no plugs in house, outdoor use or just to elevate an event space. Best buy ever.

I’m trying to think of other details so I can get it all out in one post… In terms of beauty prep for the wedding I just ramped up what I was already doing. I deliberately picked a dress that meant I didn’t need to panic about my body, although I did do coolSculpting as I was paranoid about looking like I had a bump on the day after a failed IVF cycle. It worked and removed the bump, I’ll do a bigger post on it sometime soon.

I went for regular facials at Dermalogica (I always get the Pro 60 and go to the Duke of York Square store) and also went to FaceGym a couple of times close to the wedding day - I find it really helps de puff and tightens things up nicely. I’m someone who quite likes the gym, and I aimed to go three or four times a week and did a mix of cardio and following a workout plan from a YouTuber I found called Growing Annanas.

I also did a couple of juice cleanses, more for my mental state, in the month leading up to the wedding. I bought them from Nosh Detox and found them brilliant. I always get asked if I lost weight on them, I don’t own scales so I don’t know - but I did definitely feel like my clothes fitted nicely afterwards. That could be just from getting rid of bloat, but either way I felt great.

With the wedding being over with, if I was doing it all again I wouldn’t change a thing - though I would have relaxed a bit. Although on the day I was fine, the run up was stressful. I did hold it together well, my sister said she was waiting for me to finally explode and I just never did. I did take a few weeks off work beforehand, but that was as much to recover from a medical process as it was prep for the wedding.

Someone said to me “remember you are the bride, not the host” and I’m really glad they did or I’d have spent all day making sure I spoke to everyone. Everyone is just so damn happy to see you both happy that you don’t need to worry. I didn’t drink that much because I wanted to remember the day clearly - having learnt a lesson on my hen do when I drank London dry and couldn’t move for about 3 days afterwards…

Make sure everyone is fed and watered and everything falls into place! I’d also say, we thought getting a wedding planner was a bit OTT for a “garden party” but I’d 100% have got someone in even if just for the day itself if I’d known how much work it’d be. Also, spend the money on photography. I’m so glad we had Lou - she was amazing. Our wedding gift from her was a video (shot on film) too and I’ve really surprised myself with how much I loved it.

Finally, just enjoy it and have a moment just for the two of you. We took 5 minutes by ourselves where we just calmed down and cuddled the dog and took in that after 3 attempts, we’d finally become husband and wife.